Lagenda Adinda

Adinda Evans kononnya adalah seorang gadis Melayu beragama Islam (walaupun Evans) berumur 13 tahun yang mengumumkan kepada khalayak yang dia bukan dara lagi, pasal "aku dah maen".

Ramai gila orang Melayu pergi kat blog dia, bagi 'nasihat'. Dan bila orang Melayu kat Internet bagi 'nasihat', rupanya begini:

MelayuA: Ko tak malu ke, kat mak bapak ko, jiran ko? Muka huduh! Ketiak hitam! Oi Budak! nak maen?

- Ni jenis MelayuA, atau Melayu Alpha. Jenisnya adalah mamat atau minah yang suka highlight kesalahan orang lain, biasanya dengan mengutuk dan menghina bahagian badan seperti ketiak, perut dan burit orang. Pasal ketiak mereka putih dan bila berpeluh, keluar mascarpone cheese, perut mereka flat sampai boleh digunakan sebagai timbang air dan burit mereka pulak suci lagi harum, dengan haruman sorga.

Mereka juga akan mempromosi konsep malu kepada orang dan agama berTuhankan seorang tuhan baru - 'orang lain'. Bagi mereka, Jesus, Yahweh, Iehovah, Elohim dan Allah semua tak best dibandingkan 'orang lain' yang merangkumi jiran-jiran dan makcik-makcik menopause gatal tepi jalan.

MelayuB: Ini... buku/filem/wrestling ke ni?

- Ni jenis MelayuB, atau MelayuBodoh. Melayu jenis ni amat self-conscious pasal kebodohan diri sendiri.

Melayu jenis ni akan melaungkan sekuat-kuatnya, berkali-kali, bagaimana dia tahu yang wrestling WWE tu tipu, dan dia faham bagaimana trik kamera dibuat dalam membuat kesan khas filem.

"Ala, ini dia buang wayar je ni. Dia pakai eraser."

"Kalau dia pukul betul-betul, berdarah tu. Ini TAK LEBAM PUN!"

MelayuB tahu mereka Bodoh, tapi amat berharap takde sapa perasan. Bro, semua orang tahu la, mak kau siamang.

MelayuC: Oooh Oooh Oooh Ahhh Ahhh AHh!

- MelayuC bukan Melayu. Bukan manusia pun. MelayuC adalah Cenekoh.

Dogs Of War

"I am his Highness' dog at Kew. Pray tell me, sir - whose dog are you?" - Alexander Pope, on the collar of a dog.

People always want something from you. Sometimes, it is something innocent, like a smile, or some company. Most of the time, though, it is darker things. Money, power, control, a means to feed their ego.

I am constantly attuned to the darkness in human hearts. I have gazed on their evil and the blackness void that is their soul for far too long that I don't shy away from it anymore.

Some... wiser men have advised me that I was being paranoid, that people are not that evil. These wise men kept on getting screwed over and sabotaged by the evil people they dared to trust.

And yet, the biggest mistake would be to allow yourself to be consumed by the darkness. These evil things wish to make a dog of you, so you make a dog of them.

Lay traps. And then lie in wait. Of course, there are no traps. I simply say that to mess with the evil people. I am not that capable. My connections don't run that deep or go that high.

Nope. The only recourse is to stop playing.

The world dances to whatever tune you tell it to. Our minds hold such power in freedom. I had strings but now I'm free. There are no strings on me.