Friday, August 21, 2015

One Wish

If I was given a wish that will came true, i wouldnt ask much. I just wanted to be normal.

For all my life, things have never gotten easy. There's a downfall to every mountain that i tried to climb.

I tried to be one and like always, failed.

The idea of being perfect and normal had possessed me for years now. It felt like, you wanted to run but you carried a heavy weight that tied to your ankle. Even when you tried so hard to breath, you forgot that you are breathing underwater.

I never wanted to be this way nor asked to be this way.

And if and only if i had that one wish, my life would be at ease.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

I Am Everywhere

I've been listening to this a lot. 
Just for this while, its a food for my soul.

"Then it don't matter. I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too." - Tom Joad; The Grapes of Wrath, John Steinbeck; 1939.


You see, having a group of people around you and depending on them could also result in extremely bad things. The group, in an interest of survival, could rabidly defend its members, regardless of what they are defending. The individual ego is fortified by the group ego and individual common sense is often forfeited just for the strengthening of the image of the group.

I do not believe in families or groups. I recognize the benefits of separate entities pooling resources together to achieve a greater goal, but I do not subscribe to tribalism or circle-jerking. You know what a circle-jerk is? It's when all members of a group defends the actions of each other with no self-reflection or fairness. It is when false praise is heaped on each other just because one is in the same group.

Not to say I favour betrayals, which is to me the number one crime that can be committed by any human, but I believe that self-reflection and discarding the ego as well as image - both individual and as a group - to be vital in self-improvement.

In order to attain peace, one must embrace the truth. There is no truth in shallow circle-jerking groups.

I am not denying its power - whole nations are founded on circle-jerking as do profitable companies. It is simply something I personally do not prefer, as with all lies, it carries with it its own seed of destruction.

With lies, there can never be true happiness, which is a situation without want; an absence of want. Circle-jerking is founded on very strong desires - the desire to belong.

There can never be true happiness in circle-jerking each other.