Approval Seeking

You see, a lot of people believe that they're fucking great. Destined. Chosen. Deserve to be right. Special. COULD HAVE BEEN.

And they are always afraid to put that to the test. Cause if they fail, then their warped megalomania and delusional image of themselves would crumble.

Why is that so bad? 

Cause for some people, an inflated image of themselves is all they have. They've never done anything significant. They've never gone and done whatever they can do for shit.

They justify all this, to themselves, by saying "Oh, you know what, IF I DID go 100%, I COULD HAVE BEEN this or that. I COULD HAVE DONE this or that."

They take solace in the delusion that they WOULD NOT have failed if they tried it. IF. But they didn't, did they?

I have failed many times in my life. You know what happens when I fail? Nothing. I am not that significant. People don't die. I'm not a doctor. I'm not a soldier.

I'm not special, which means I'm not retarded.

People are afraid to do things, just in case others judge them as severely as they judge others.

Never stopped me.

Fuck my image. What has my image done for me? I'm not a politician. I'm not a model. I'm just me.

Those fucking tools say I'm delusional, but they're the ones with no balls to go 100%. They're the ones who got stuck with approval-seeking for their entire lives.

I shook that shit out of my system when I was younger. Fuck approval, man. You want others to determine your life for you? To have the power whether you are happy or not?

Dumbass.

What people are afraid of is to take any kind of responsibility for their lives. They want to be told what to do. They want other people's love and approval.

Well, hate to break it to you, but people only love themselves and they are only concerned about other people's approval of them. They will never approve.

You need to approve of yourself.

I know that for you weak fuckturds, you do not want to be responsible for yourself, because it's scary for you. You want to conform. You want to be part of a group. You want to belong in society, community, whatever. You want to be part of a group.

Let me tell you that you're stupid. You're stupid, your mother's stupid, and so was your dead grandmother. Stupid cunts.

AIDS

Hentikanlah sikap buruk yang suka mengatakan yang nasib malang menimpa seseorang sebab Tuhan tak suka dia, dan lebih sukakan kau. Kau ingat Tuhan tu, Maha Loser macam kau ke?

Beb, bisul ari-ari pun boleh dapat dengan duduk kat tandas je. Kau tak tau macam mana mamat atau minah tu kena AIDS. Kena rogol dengan beruk ke, kena itu ke, ini ke. Dan AIDS tak dapat merebak walaupun kau pergi comolot dengan penghidap.

Entahlah. Malaysia ni, memang susah. Penagih dadah pun kena halau dengan Tok Imam. Apa punya support system yang ada? Dahlah penagih, jadi sampah mayarakat pulak tu.

Tapi, apa aku nak kisah? Masalah aku pun banyak. Baik aku pentingkan diri sendiri. Jaga puki sendiri je.

"Buat apa tu, pah?"

"Jaga puki, nek."

Aku Dah Kenyang

Aku baru nak menulis pasal hipokrisi dan agama, bila aku sedar yang aku ni dah kenyang, aku dah tak peduli.

Pergi mampus.

AKu bukan budak muda yang terkial-kial cuba membuat semua orang mengiktiraf yang aku betul dan mereka salah. Ego aku dah tak sekuat dulu.

Maaf, persoalan siapa betul dan siapa salah bukan lagi benda paling penting dalam hidup aku. Jubur aku penting. Perut aku penting. Aku dah kenyang, apa lagi aku nak?

Agama orang? Kepercayaan orang? Semua bodoh belaka.

Agama A cakap Agama B bodoh. Agama B cakap Agama C bodoh. Tak habis-habis. Sebenarnya, Agama tak cakap agama lain bodoh. Penganut yang lebih Tuhan daripada Tuhan yang cakap agama lain salah.

Bagi aku, semua salah. Termasuk ateis. Ateis Jati dah lama mampus. Ateis Kuntum pulak tak lama lagi nak mampus dengan Penjejak Badai.

Biar je si penganut yang lebih Tuhan daripada Tuhan ni terjerit-jerit.

Tapi, kau perlu ingat, siapa yang jadikan dia Tuhan.

Orang macam kau jugak, yang menyembah apa yang mereka kata. Semua Tuhan dalam semua agama dan kepercayaan sudah kalah kepada Tuhan baru yang Maha Berkuasa - Orang Lain.

Maka sembahlah orang lain. Pujalah mereka, dan kata-kata mereka.

Semoga semua mendapat balasan yang setimpal dengan amalan masing-masing.

Aku? Aku dah kenyang, dan aku dah puas.

Sekarang, aku nak tido. Malam ni banyak kerja.